Dysfunctional Family Roles

In a healthy family system, everyone’s roles are clearly defined. They have clear boundaries which promote individual wellbeing while enhancing interpersonal relationships. When issues arise, ruptures to the relationship can be repaired without too much sweat and tears. The baseline experience for members of this sort of family is one of security, safety and trust. Needs are met ‘well enough’ and boundaries are respected.

However, in a dysfunctional family system, things are often a bit pear-shaped. Important family roles like parent and child can be reversed, leaving children to feel parentified or spousified.

Another thing that happens when parental roles are not exercised properly, is the creation of dysfunctional family roles which effects each member of the family system.

These roles are distorted, unhealthy, and unbalanced. Children in this sort of family system become fixed to their roles, which can be psychologically unhealthy and leave a feeling that you are not functioning in life from an authentic place. Some commonly defined roles in a dysfunctional family are:

- The Golden Child:  the one who can do no wrong

- The Hero:  the one who proves to the world that the family is all right

- The Mascot:  the one who diffuse conflict on the family

- The Identified Patient:  the one who is frequently the family’s ‘reason’ for having problems

- The Scapegoat:  the one who is the outsider and often a projection of the family’s problems

-  The Lost Child: the one who is trying to survive unnoticed

- The Enabler or Caretaker: they one ‘fixes’ others and feels responsible for their problems

- The Parentified Child: the one who will take on the role of the other spouse in the absence of a healthy caretaker relationship

These roles can prevent people from growing into their true selves, and from having an authentic voice. There are ‘conditions’ involved in who you can be, what you can say, think and feel, in order to feel accepted or belong.

It can be hard to grapple with the feelings associated with living in a dysfunctional family. This is why working with a qualified therapist can be incredibly supportive and affirming. Therapy can help you understand how your role has affected you, and how to begin to find a way to make your life and relationships work better for you.

Jacqui Snooks is a registered counsellor and psychotherapist and the Clinical Director of Haven Counselling and Psychotherapy in Mornington. For more information please visit: havencounselling.com.au